5 Myths About Forgiveness

Growing up, we learned from our parents, religion, societal norms, and human nature to forgive people that wronged us; forgive and forget; to err is human, to forgive is divine. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word FORGIVE (transitive verb) 1: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender); 2: to give up resentment of or claim to requital. This definition and many like it define forgiveness as the act of forgiving another person and not the act of forgiving yourself. Hmmmmmm, why is that?

Let’s be honest, growing up, no one was taught about self-care, self-love, and tending to your own feelings and emotions before that of another person; for if you were, you’re in a special class of people. Pursuant to the current and popular definitions of forgiveness, am I supposed to forgive Russian President Vladimir Putin for murdering innocent Ukrainian people, or am I suppose to forgive Adolph Hitler for the atrocities he committed against the Jewish people? I THINK NOT! So, unless your name is God, Jesus Christ, Elijah, Mohammed, Buddha, Dalai Lama, or some other spiritual icon you grew up worshiping or learning about, it’s time to redefine what FORGIVENESS really is.

What is the ultimate goal of forgiveness? Personal freedom! Free your Mind, Body, and Soul from the mental prison and isolation you’re held in; Freedom from the weight of the psychological baggage you carry; Freedom from the poison of resentment; Freedom from the limitations you place on your life by orchestrating your life around making someone pay or avoiding someone; and Freedom from the emotional energy you waste on pain, suffering, hate, jealousy, guilt, blame, shame, and self-loathing.

You hold the key to your Freedom! You can absolutely release yourself from these burdens, feel happy and whole, and create a brilliant and vibrant future for yourself. But I’m not going to sugar-coat it, learning to forgive yourself will NOT happen overnight. Forgiveness is a process and is hard work because you are unlearning years of bad habits and misconceptions, and reprograming yourself to put YOU first and exercise self-care, self-love, and examine your own feelings and emotions about forgiving yourself.

Just like with any life goal, the secret to achieving the goal, especially the challenging ones, is understanding the value forgiveness has in your life. The key to your freedom is knowing why you want forgiveness and the benefits it will have in your life. And in order to know what’s at stake and why forgiveness is so important to you, YOU need to take a deep-dive into the consequences of not forgiving yourself and the impact it will have on your life.

You can be free from your mental anguish and the first step is to make a decision that YOU are worth it, you’re ready, and it’s time; and when you have made that decision to open your mind, body, and soul to the process of forgiving yourself, then and only then will you be ready to let go of mental anguish that no longer serves you.

So, ARE YOU READY TO BETTER YOUR LIFE? Yes! Ok then, lets begin the forgiveness process.

                        P.S. You just completed STEP 1 of the forgiveness Process.

            STEP 2, lets address the resistance that keeps most people from being willing to forgive. Most people have a misperception about what forgiveness truly is, and because of this they don’t like the idea of forgiving; therefore, lets take a look at what forgiveness is NOT.

Forgiveness is NOT: Letting someone off the hook who offended you.

Forgiveness is letting yourself off the hook of holding on to pain and hurt that is holding you back from becoming a better YOU.

Forgiveness is NOT: Reconciliation with the person that hurt you.

Forgiveness is the reconciliation of your mind, body, and soul with the hurtful act, not the person that hurt YOU.

Forgiveness is NOT: Living in denial about a person’s actions.

Forgiveness is about admitting and embracing a person’s hurtful actions whether that person is a friend, family member, or YOU.

Forgiveness is NOT: Allowing the person to do the same behavior to you again.

Forgiveness is about recognizing hurtful behavior patterns so YOU don’t repeat the same mistake twice.

Forgiveness is NOT: Having no consequences for a behavior.

Forgiveness is all about acknowledging pain, reconciling your mind, body, and soul, admitting hurtful actions, and the consequences if you don’t allow yourself to forgive YOU.

Congratulations, you just completed STEP 2 of the forgiveness process which is learning about what forgiveness in NOT.

Next week’s blog will contain STEP 3 of the forgiveness process which is learning about what forgiveness is and who do you forgive in the forgiveness process.